


your existence, there's someone out there supporting it

by LuciaHunter



Series: Determination Symphony [1]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 09:58:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16473380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciaHunter/pseuds/LuciaHunter
Summary: Ever the perfectionist, Sayo finds herself haunted by a mistake made on stage. Tsugumi is concerned.





	your existence, there's someone out there supporting it

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in years, so the quality may be a little suspect. But I'm honestly glad that after so long, I have finally found inspiration again, this time with BanG Dream!. Posted in celebration of the SayoTsugu Silly Sweets Classroom event starting on Garupa EN.
> 
> Shoutout to feathers and her friend who beta-ed and edited my work for me. A big thank you to you two and also our mom friend for never giving up on me and pushing me to write once more.

In her dreams, she always did it right.

In her dreams, she was perfection and fire on the stage. Long hair billowing from side to side as she tossed her head to the beat of the music, fingers furiously shredding her guitar. Her left hand danced over the fretboard, coaxing forth a wondrous sound that harmonized with the band that surrounded her.

It was the pinnacle that she had spent her entire life working towards.

The figure that Sayo saw in her dreams never faltered. Controlling the crowd with every flick and gesture; supporting the vocalist with all she had. Every note pitch-perfect; every carefully calculated movement throwing the audience into a greater frenzy.

Skills.

Technique.

Precision.

The teal-haired girl before her had them all. But most of all, it was the passion with which she played that captivated Sayo. A passion that ignited her music, put out into the open for all to hear. 

How much more did she have to practice in order to reach this level? What else did she have to sacrifice?

...Was it even possible?

Sayo could only continue watching in spellbound silence, a phantom amidst the faceless audience. The sound of the guitar faded away as the second chorus ended and the instrumental began, the melody of the keyboard in her ears.

The guitarist raised her head to the mic, coming in with her solo line for the bridge.

" _Your existence, even now,_ "

Followed by the drummer, voice fading in halfway through the line as she readjusted the mic that had shifted away due to her wild drumming.

" _It's supporting someone out there_ "

The keyboardist and bassist followed with their respective lines, but Sayo’s attention was now focused on the guitar that had already started up once again.

" _So be honest with those important to you,  
__Face whatever comes seriously_ " 

The whole band cried out the final line leading into the final chorus, and Sayo found her heart singing along with them.

" _And give an answer with all your heart!_ "

She struggled to keep her focus on the guitar, determined to learn everything she could even as she was caught up in the wave of sound. She still found her attention drawn instead to the singing of the band. A flood of emotion surged in her mind as all five members put their heart and soul into the song.

On the stage, the Roselia of her dreams finished their performance with a jump, landing with a resounding crash that slowly faded into cheers and applause.

Sayo's eyes darted over the members, all of them struggling to regain their breath aside from the vocalist. Of course, Yukina was the only member with sufficient vocal training to still be fine from singing that final chorus.

The teal-haired girl raised her eyes, and locked gazes with Sayo for the first time.

Time seemed to freeze in that one moment, with Sayo acutely aware of the sound of her own heart thumping in her ears. Nevertheless, the words mouthed by the guitarist on stage were clearly audible to her despite the distance.

"You'll never be this good."

Everything else fell away from her. Her vision tunneled in on those eyes that suddenly seemed a shade too yellow to be hers—

* * *

Sayo awoke with a jolt, sweat beading on her forehead. Throwing her covers off, she jumped out of bed and strode across her bedroom, relying on spatial memory alone to navigate the darkness. She had her hand on the doorknob and was about to wrench it open before reason caught up and she calmed herself down.

_A dream. Just another dream._

She had no idea what her dream-befuddled self was about to do just seconds before, but it probably involved marching into Hina's room and a fair bit of senseless yelling. Not exactly something she has ever done before, and not something her logical self was keen on trying for the first time, either.

She swallowed her irrational anger at Hina, forcing it back down under her iron will. This had nothing to do with her sister – just a remnant of her inferiority complex that she had been struggling to deal with for years.

Even if her dream had been hijacked by said complex in the end, she knew the real source of the dream. Just like the week of sleepless nights before this one, they had all started after that incident—

Sayo stopped herself there, refusing to think about it. She had been through this enough in the past week. Enough to know that if she started thinking about it here, there would be no respite from her own self-criticizing thoughts until dawn.

She glanced at the clock on her desk, its faintly illuminated numbers piercing through the darkness. 3:42AM. Way too early to be awake. Plus, it was the weekend, which meant aside from a Roselia practice session later in the afternoon, her plans for the day were free. As much as she was a creature of habit and discipline, she did like indulging in the luxury of getting up an hour later than on schooldays.

Not that she had the right to be indulging herself like that. _If you have that much free time, maybe you should spend it on practice instead—_

_Stop_ , she told herself sternly. Taking in a deep breath, she let it out slowly in one smooth, controlled motion – the same way she always did in archery practice to clear her mind.

Sayo walked back across her bedroom, straightening out the rumpled bedsheets and easing herself back into bed. Her inner voice is thankfully silent once more; her world, back in order.

Closing her eyes, she tried to relax herself, knowing full well that sleep, at this point, would most likely evade her. And that any rest she got from here on would still be similarly haunted with nightmares, as they had been for the past week.

An hour later, as she finally felt the heavy blanket of sleep wash over her mind, she grimly noted that she was right all along.

* * *

The ringing of the doorbell shook Sayo from her trance, where she had been staring at her math homework with glazed eyes for almost a minute. The question wasn't beyond her capabilities; it was just that her sleep-deprived self lacked the mental gymnastics required to comprehend the question in its entirety at the moment.

A quick look at the clock informed her that it was almost noon, which meant she had already been working on this assignment for over an hour. Dropping her pencil with a sigh, she got up and dragged her feet towards the door.

Normally, she would've left the task of answering the door to someone else in the house, but her parents had both gone out today on some errand or another. Hina had also left the house early in the morning – something about helping Shirasagi-san walk her dog while the actress was busy with a shoot.

The doorbell rang again as she exited her room. Sayo rolled her eyes with a slight tinge of irritation at the mysterious visitor's impatience. _I wasn't even walking that slowly…_

All of her irritation vanished when she opened the door to find none other than Hazawa Tsugumi.

Tsugumi was dressed in a striped chiffon dress with a light cream sweater and a small backpack over her shoulders, an outfit suitable for the cool weather they had been having lately. It was a look Sayo had seen her in more than once, and also a look which she decidedly liked. But it was the nervous smile on the keyboardist's face that drew her attention.

"Haza- Tsugumi-san," Sayo greeted, caught off-guard by the surprise of seeing Tsugumi on her doorstep.

"Hello, Sayo-san. I’m sorry if I was intruding on something. I wasn't sure if you were around, so I sent you some messages as well, but it seemed like you didn’t read them either…"

Sayo blinked in confusion, slowly recalling that she had left her phone on silent and on her bed while she worked on her homework. A mistake, to be sure. "But you're here anyway," she stated somewhat lamely, unable to think of a better response.

"Yes, well, Hina-senpai was pretty sure you would still be in, so I decided to drop by… is it alright if I come in, Sayo-san?" Tsugumi was twiddling her fingers in nervousness by this point, and Sayo slapped herself internally for the social faux pas of not inviting her in right away.

"Yes, of course. My apologies, I've been zoning out a bit today. Please, come in."

Tsugumi stepped into the house proper, pausing to switch her shoes with the guest slippers Sayo laid out for her. It wasn't her first time here; she had stopped by for a couple of baking sessions before, but Sayo always made sure to lay out the guest slippers for her properly instead of leaving it to her. "Pardon the intrusion… Are you feeling alright, Sayo-san?"

"It's fine. I just haven't been sleeping well lately, so it's been affecting my concentration slightly. But why are you here, Tsugumi-san?" Sayo bit her tongue as she realised how the question sounded. "I mean, I'm glad to see you of course, but wondering what brings you here to my house."

"Ah, I uhm, I heard you weren't feeling well, so I thought I would come visit you… and it seems I was right!" Tsugumi rallied herself as she sat down on the sofa, taking a closer look at the guitarist. "Yes, you definitely don't look so good. Hina-senpai wasn't exaggerating."

There were plenty of questions to follow up from there, but only one word caught Sayo's attention as she sat down as well. "Hina?"

"Ah, Hina-senpai stopped by our café earlier this morning for brunch with Aya-senpai. She mentioned how you weren't _boppin'_ lately, that there was something on your mind but she couldn't get you to talk about it…"

_Well, there’s no way I would talk about something like that with Hina. That's a one-way street towards worsening my complex._

"And then, I also heard from Tomoe-chan a few days ago that Ako-chan said you weren't doing well during practice lately…"

Sayo grimaced. "So you know." This wasn't something she wanted to talk about, but if Tsugumi was intent on bringing it up, then she had no choice but to face it.

"That uhm… you haven't been feeling well?"

"No, about… last week."

The blank, nervous look on Tsugumi's face told her all she needed to know, and Sayo breathed out a sigh of relief. "It's nothing. Yes, I haven't been feeling well for a while. It's been affecting my practice, but it should be fine soon enough."

Consternation evident in Tsugumi's expression, she opened her mouth to speak, before pausing for a moment, and closing it. She did it again a few more times, which to Sayo made her look like a human-sized, albeit adorable, goldfish. Eventually, she appeared to let what was on her mind go.

"Have you been baking lately, Sayo-san? I don't think I've seen you at the lessons for a couple of weeks now."

"Ah, Roselia stepped up its practice schedule due to a live we had last week. But we're back to normal schedules now, so I should be able to attend from the next lesson onwards."

"That's great! I've missed trying your creations. They're always so perfect, exactly like the pictures in the instructions…"

The conversation turned towards the safer territory of baking and recipes, and Sayo found herself relaxing as they made small talk. Cakes and cookies, eggs and milk. Precise balances and ratios of flour to sugar. For her, baking had started out simply as a side interest to support Roselia in an additional way just like Imai-san did, but it had turned into a real hobby of hers.

Of course, at home she still mostly only baked the recipes she had tried and tested under Tsugumi's watchful eye. There was no way she would experiment with a new recipe alone – not without Tsugumi there to clarify anything she was unsure of. Baking recipes tended to be targeted at experienced bakers with their skimpy instructions, without the level of precision Sayo preferred to have. Things such as "mix until the batter turns white" or "fold the mixture until smooth" confused her with the level of "whiteness" or "smoothness" they were asking for. Musical notations were much easier to understand.

Not that precise musical notations or lyrics had stopped her from messing up, anyway.

"Sayo-san?"

Sayo tilted her head. "What is it, Tsugumi-san? As you said, I do think that cinnamon would make a good addition-"

"No, not that. You had this brief look of… pain on your face."

The teal-haired girl bit her lip, lost in an internal debate as to whether or not she should talk about it. Tsugumi didn't give her a reprieve though, digging into her backpack and producing a small, colourfully-wrapped package.

"If you tell me about it, I'll give you my new butter pecan cookies!"

Maybe it was meant as a nice gesture, but Sayo narrowed her eyes anyway. "Are you trying to bribe me with cookies, Tsugumi-san?"

"Would fries have been a better option?"

Sayo's ears burned as she felt the blood rushing to her face. Oh, this little… this little _minx_ was a lot more devious than she let on with her innocent appearance! "Tsugumi-san!"

She burst out in laughter, a tinkling sound that was admittedly pleasant to Sayo's ears. "I'm sorry Sayo-san, I couldn't resist." Tsugumi set the cookies on the coffee table, and reached out to touch Sayo's hand gently. "I didn't mean to belittle your problem either; I actually brought the cookies here for you as a get-well-soon present. But I really want to hear about your troubles, Sayo-san. It may not be something I understand, or something I can help with, but I would like to share that burden with you."

Looking into Tsugumi's earnest, caring eyes, Sayo found herself unable to turn away. And she did already feel better than she had in days – there was something about the smaller girl that made her feel at ease. That she was enough as she was, instead of always having to chase perfection.

"…I made a mistake last weekend at Roselia's live."

* * *

It was supposed to be a regular show like any other that they had performed at CiRCLE. Just another standard weekend performance.

Except for the fact that they were performing their newest song for the first time as the closing song. Needless to say, there were quite some nerves involved with that. As much as they had spent almost all their free time practicing, the real deal had an electrifying quality to it that couldn't be replicated, no matter how much Sayo insisted on treating rehearsals as performances and vice versa.

Ako, as always, was a bundle of nervous energy, while Rinko was muttering to herself in the corner. Yukina was a picture of serene calm, but the twitching of her eyelids betrayed her. Lisa was trying to keep Ako and Rinko from bouncing out or running away from the room, while Sayo… Sayo was busy revising the lyrics of their newest song.

Unlike their usual songs, not only did they each have a solo line, but the entire band would sing the closing chorus together. That, coupled with the necessary instrument playing, meant that she would require a fair amount of memory and focus – especially since CiRCLE lacked a stage monitor for lyrical cues.

If there was a part Sayo found herself worried about, it would be that final chorus of the final song.

True to her expectations, the rest of the live had proceeded smoothly. She had played with the same precision she always had, each note perfectly timed and in tempo with the rest. Her playing still wasn't a sound she liked, but she was starting to acknowledge that her precision and skill had meaning, that these traits had their own place alongside the passion she aspired towards.

It had then came to the final song – the one song she might have had cause to worry about. Focused on the closing chorus, she never expected the problem to come the verse before – during the solo bridge.

As Rinko played the keyboard backing, Sayo opened her mouth, and found nothing coming out. Her mind blanked. The words she needed weren't there, even as she mouthed something purely on a performer's instinct, to make it seem like there was a microphone issue.

Ako came in with the next line, of course, followed by Rinko and Lisa. By that time, Sayo finally grasped the words she needed in her head once more, and joined the rest of the band in the closing chorus.

The closing banter and thanks passed by in a haze, without a single reference to the mistake. In the changing rooms, no one brought it up. Only at the family restaurant for their post-live review did Yukina finally make a note about it.

"Sayo, you missed your solo line for our new song. Do be more careful next time."

And that was an end to the issue. Just an apology and a promise to work harder on it next time. Somehow, it didn't feel enough.

Sayo knew it wasn't enough that night, when the dreams started haunting her.

The following days got worse, as Sayo doggedly refused to acknowledge the issue and attempted to forget about it. Her playing started to get erratic by her own standards – which meant that she was starting to play off-timing by a factor of milliseconds. She knew her performance was worsening, and so did Yukina – it was visible in the reproachful, worried gaze the vocalist sent her way at the end of each practice session.

It was something everyone in Roselia was aware of, but no one wanted to broach the subject just yet in the hopes it would resolve itself. After all, there were sessions where Sayo performed just as she always did; this was still nowhere near the subpar level of performance she had when she was last struggling with her issues over Hina.

And so, here she was. Just Sayo, trying her best to keep things together. Trying to pretend that everything was going to be alright; that she had come to terms with her mistake and would do better next time.

The ugly voice in her head told her firmly, "No."

* * *

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Sayo-san. I think it must have taken you a lot of courage to do so." Tsugumi's hand brushed against the back of Sayo's hand once again, fingertips leaving lingering traces before pulling back.

The pure, gentle smile on Tsugumi's face felt like more than what Sayo deserved. Not when she was just dumping her emotional baggage onto a friend. Sayo felt the tips of her ears burning as she looked away. "Thank you for listening to me. I'm sorry for offloading my problems onto you like this."

"No, no, I was the one who wanted to know about it. But I think I see your problem now. And… I can't guarantee this, but I think you won't have any more trouble."

Sayo frowned. There was no way this could be that simple, even if… even if she already felt better.

"Sayo-san, you're… you're not very used to dealing with failure, are you?" Tsugumi asked hesitantly, uncertain of how to broach the subject.

"My whole life has been about playing second fiddle to Hina, so I'm not sure what you mean by that."

"No, not like that. Not about being second best, because that's still succeeding at something you're trying to do. I mean actual failure. Like following the instructions on something and then still messing up really badly."

"…How can you follow the instructions on something and still mess up?" The very thought was foreign to Sayo. Was that really possible?

"That's exactly what I mean, Sayo-san! You've always done things so precisely by the book that you've never actually messed up before!"

Sayo rolls her eyes. "That's ridiculous. I'm only human; I make mistakes too."

"Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. But from what I know about you, I think you take everything very seriously." Tsugumi was nervously wringing her hands, but her voice spoke with conviction. "It wouldn't surprise me if you rarely failed at anything in life."

Sayo thought back upon her sixteen years of life, and despite how hard she tried, she couldn’t really find anything to prove Tsugumi wrong.

"You know, it's okay to make mistakes. But it's also important to talk to other people about them. If you keep bottling it up, it's only going to keep haunting you."

"It's just… my mistakes…" _It's just embarrassing to talk about them._

"Everyone makes mistakes, Sayo-san." Tsugumi rummaged in her backpack once more, and this time she produced a clear Ziploc bag filled with… dark brown lumps of some sort. "I was going to go feed the birds in the park after this, but this is a handy example."

"Are those… cookies?"

"They were supposed to be? Ehehe..."

Sayo stared at the bag in morbid fascination, wondering just how on earth her baking instructor had managed to char her cookies to this extent. And also whether or not she should find a new baking instructor.

"It took me a lot of tries to get the butter pecan cookies right! That's what I get for experimenting with a recipe, I guess. Anyway, Sayo-san, I really admire how you take everything so seriously, but I think you can be a bit too self-critical from time to time..." Tsugumi faltered for a moment, then placed her hand on top of Sayo's once more. "So please take care of yourself too. It's alright to make mistakes and talk to other people about them. That's how we grow as people."

"Tsugumi-san…" For the first time since last weekend, Sayo felt as though the haze surrounding her had cleared. A part of her that had been stuck in the memory of the performance was free at last, and she was finally here in this very moment in her entirety.

"Ah, sorry if I was speaking a bit too presumptuous there. Are you feeling better now, Sayo-san?"

"It's fine, you said exactly what I needed to hear. And yes, definitely. Thank you for coming all the way here to talk to me."

"That's great!" Tsugumi's exclamation was punctuated by a rumble of her stomach, and both girls were suddenly acutely aware of the time. "Oops! Sayo-san, would you like to have lunch together? And afterwards, maybe… maybe we could go to the park?"

"I do have practice later this afternoon, but we should be able to do that if I bring my guitar along. So yes, I would love to," Sayo replied with the softest smile she could muster, before rising up to get her necessary items together.

As she emerged from her bedroom with her purse and guitar a minute later, she found Tsugumi sitting on the sofa, humming the tune of Roselia's latest song to herself. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Aha, didn't mean to let you hear that. It's a very pretty tune, so it's been stuck in my head. I really do love the part where you all come in for the final chorus together."

"Tsugumi-san, we've only performed that song once. There's only one instance when you could've learned this tune."

"Hmm? Yes, it was really exciting when- oh..."

"…Explain yourself."

"I didn't mean anything by it!" The brunette flailed her hands wildly in front of her in a denying gesture as she shot up from her seat. "It's just, Ran-chan said we should keep an eye on the competition and then the rest of Afterglow insisted on me being the one there for some strange reason which was why I was there and then I witnessed the whole thing but I didn't really want to force you to talk about it if you weren't ready so I'm sorry I kept that from you I really didn't mean-"

"Tsugumi-san." Sayo cut across the flood of explanations in a tone that brooked no argument.

"…Yes?"

"Thank you for attending our performance and also for coming to talk to me. Would you let me treat you to lunch?"

A brief pause, as both girls soaked in the nervous, but pleasantly-charged energy in the air.

"Yes, Sayo-san. I would like that very much."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a Roselia song, and no, I won't say which one just yet.
> 
> And I just wanted to note that the title refers to more than just Tsugumi in this story. Do take the time to appreciate the people out there supporting you in various ways that you may not see. This world is a kinder place than we give it credit for.
> 
> EDIT: It turns out that I had mistranslated the bridge for BRAVE JEWEL since this was written way before release eheh. Anyhow, the lyrics have been fixed inside the story!


End file.
